Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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