There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
