2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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