I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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