my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
