When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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