I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
