look no pants
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
