I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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