so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize