Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
