his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
