As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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