I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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