So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
