So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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