I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
