4 words: hood of his car
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
