Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
