drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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