In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just gargled with NyQuil
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
