make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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