I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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