have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
