hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
