your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
