I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
