i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize