we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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