We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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