i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
