I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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