Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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