in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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