Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize