Are we in a gay sports bar?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
