Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
