Kiss
Puke
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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