Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
