Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize