how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
