Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
