if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
