Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize