I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
