It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
