It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
