i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
