You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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