From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
