Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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