eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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