I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
