So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
