Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
