not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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