so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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