First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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