oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize