i need an iv and a liver transplant
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
