I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
