you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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